[[ john legend // don't you worry bout a thing ]]

It's that time of the month and I can't wait to stop pms-ing. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm crying over every little thing. I feel like a fucking crybaby. I cried when we said goodbye to Nek Aji, I cried in public on Saturday night because I felt that we had too many problems and I didn't know whether we could even make it work.

HELP. I AM AN EMOTIONAL BASKETCASE.

I'm alot more affected by the termination of our religious classes than I thought I'd be. Nek Aji has been teaching us since my sister was four so that's like what, sixteen years already? I'm closer to her than I am my own grandmother. Every Sunday without fail, she'd give us sweets even when we told her not to because me and my sister are too old to eat sweets anyway. She saw us through katam-ing the Quran, she came to my maternal grandparents' funerals, she saw us grow up.

When my mom told her on Sunday that it'd be the last lesson, she cried. She cried, for heaven's sake. It was heartbreaking. When we saw that, me and my brother started blubbering and the tears wouldn't stop flowing when it dawned on us that it'd be the last time we'd ever see her come to our house on Sunday mornings. She hugged us all and kissed us and told us to keep our faith in Islam strong. I'm going to miss her so much. Okay, I have to stop writing about her, I'm already starting to tear.

My uncle died today of heart failure. He was only 46 years old. He's way too young to leave. He's leaving behind my aunt and three cousins who are aged 14, 11 and 9. I saw my aunt howl in anguish when the doctor announced the news. I knew they were very much in love - a rarity especially when you hear so many stories of parents sleeping in seperate bedrooms.

I feel so sorry for my cousins. I held each of them as they cried. They're extremely well-behaved kids and I don't know what needs to be done now. Maybe we'll help out with their pocket money or something.

I think it's true what Alfiean says: Bad things happen to good people. Life is such a shit sometimes.